Stay at home Workaholic

                  I needed a place to vent, without fear of hurting feelings or backlash...

                  I open up blogger, and start scrolling through my old posts...   

                  I realize that the people judging me are dead wrong...

I am a lazy stay at home mom, with no work ethic, and ignorant to the idea of deadlines and responsibility.  I answer to no authority, I live in the lap of luxury, and never have to get out of my pjs. 

I have no place even asking much less expecting people whom I love to take time off of work, and am being nieve to expect them to keep their commitments. I just live in a fantasy world of ignorant blissful obligationless relaxation!!! 

                   Let's face it, us stay at home moms should be burned at the stake....

                  

Well moms, working moms(particularly the ones who are judging me I know you are not all like this) let me just tell you... You are dead wrong.

In fact I struggle with something I feel like working moms can relate to and it hurts me and my family, on a daily basis, almost as much of a sin as being the lazy, ignorant stay a home mom eating Bon bons, and watching her stories.

Before I go on... this is how I have time to write this blog:

                        

I have set up an art project for my kids, involving oil pastels, water color and the full knowledge of the mess that I will have to scrub off the walls and out of their clothes. The floors will have to be mopped and the table scrubbed and rewaxed. 

But let's get back to my stay at home lazy ness issues:

My name is Anitra, and I am a workaholic 

Yes you read it right.

 I have learned how to be a totally obsessive, micro managing, perfectionistic, workaholic from none other than my very own, work out side the home, mother.

It hurts my family, I put other people's needs and want before my families needs and wants, I over book our day, I say yes when I should have said a resounding NO. I don't make excuses to get out of work, I make ways to fit more into our schedule, regardless of what my family needs.

It has nothing to do with over compensating for the life that I wish I could have had without children.

 It has everything to do with learned/inherited behavior, and what society expects of women these days.

                                 

                                    The baby getting into the ebay clothes that I 

                                     Painstakingly sorted and listed(and later packaged 

                                     and mailed off) 

Let me lay out how being a SAHM is like being a working mom!

I make obligations for my self, others make obligations for me, I answer to my kids my husband, AND other people who are counting on me to make things happen. Wether it be a friend, a co-op parent(or 8) an in-law.

 I have responsibilities, not only do I have to work to fulfill my obligations to others, I have to truck my kids around every where i go. I am responsible not just for getting them ready in the morning and sending them off to school with a lunch box and a kiss... I am repsposible for teaching them feeding making sure they are getting an appropriate amount of enrichment, while also teaching them responsibility them selves. I am responsible for cleaning the mess it makes to teach them(no homeschoolers don't have a janitor to clean up after them regardless of how much we wish we did) and that's just the older 2. I haven't even mentioned the time and frustration adding a preschooler and a toddler(who refuses to wean) to the mix(the baby just ate an oil pastel) this doesn't even touch on home sales of essential oils, ebaying frustrations and church callings.

I have work ethic, I work hard to educate my children, I make schedules, and check lists, worksheets lesson plans, and schedule field trips, in the knowledge that what I am doing now the work that I put into educating my children will reward me(and them) no I won't get a bonus, or a raise, there wil not be a big office party in honor of my latest acheivment(teaching multiplication, or succefully memorizing ancient Mediterranean civilizations) but I will see them delight in figuring out how many packages of hot dog buns we need to get, in order to have exactly enough for the bulk pack of franks! Or how many seconds in ten minutes(my son needs to know the amount of seconds for every thing)

Deadlines... Ugh we all hate deadlines, most of my deadlines are self imposed, and if I don't meet them it throws every thing off, and the consequences are dire... For instance my printer went up in flames( no not literally, but might as well have) the week before the start of the third quarter, which I have to print the next 10 weeks of work, we have to wait to buy a new printer because the house needed to get appraised (which like a printer, cost money)  school was post poned many weeks and the printing that I needed todo for co-op lessons had to be done at the library which means co-op lessons took twice as long to plan, chess club went without the usual warm up games, we lost members, and now school will stretch about 2 weeks longer into the summer( because like public school I had a built in time off buffer), which means vacations are either rearranged or school will have to be spaced out through out the first month of summer, meaning that the kids will be reluctant to start school up againg in the fall, and curriculum planning will be squeezed in at the last minute.

Lap of luxury doesn't exist in a single income household...and since shopping for food, clothes and basic living essentials(like toilet paper and diapers) is my JOB, I have the responsibility of making it all WORK. If we have to buy curriculums I make sure our food purchases stay in budget, which means no easy meals(like pizza or Chinese)which means more cooking and more dishes and more complaining children(beans again!?!)and guilt. 

Are we really that much different work at home, work at work and stay at home moms!?!?!

I am surrounded by women who do the same things I do all day long in the same way I do, grateful to be able to stay home and tend their family, even though they get no recognition for it.

But every now and then I will talk to my mother and she will say something that cuts to the core of me and cause me to hate my lazy good for nothing stay at home self.

What it all comes down too, is I love my children, and my husband. Oh how I love, love, love, my husband. It is for them that I try not to be a workaholic, that I remind myself to slow down and to say "no" to the world asking me to be a working mom even though I am techinically not.

I am not usually ashamed of my decision,  so stop judging me. I don't want to judge you as a working mom.

But if I must.... Moms shouldn't work out side the home, and if they have do, they should remember who they are doing it for, my childhood was spent watching my mom work for her own glory. Her selfishness made my brother and I spend many weekends and nights sleeping in conference rooms, doing homework under light tables, smelling like darkroom the next day at school. Morning day care after school day care straight to moms work, Sitting on fire escapes all summer wishing we had friends to play with...

Our teenage years spent driving home to cook ourselves dinner worrying about when mom will get home, listening to how tired she was.

Young adult life spent in inner turmoil because I want to deviate from being a workaholic, but feeling obligated to follow in footsteps.

Being almost 30, Having to learn how to be a mother from other moms, and hearing the disappointment every time I announce another pregnancy. Being judged for not working outside of the house.

Being told that I shouldn't expect others to keep there travel plans made months in advance because I don't know what working is like.

Biting my tongue to not hurt my own moms feelings, even though she is hurting me.

It wasn't for us, it wasn't for the good of the family, it was selfish, and I knew it then and I know it now, and I refuse to be that way to my children. But she does it to my children too, and I see it hurt them. 

She is too busy to talk, to busy to spend time with them, being fully there, not talking to work on the phone... "They need me" is the excuse...well we need you too. Needed you.

I am done venting and my kids are done with their art

 

I could work... I choose not to for the sake of my family.

painted christmas paper

 Christmas wrapping paper... well sure, its kinda bright and kind bold and usually sparkly, unless you spend a lot of money for the designer stuff that is a few yards per roll and well still just wrapping paper :)

or you can make your own!!! get the kids involved

handprints in christmas colors

what kid doesnt love getting his hands messy... well mine turns out, he really hated it, so the big kids stepped in

Cut out a snow flake, use it like a stencil

cut out some foam stamps, we used some garage floor foam tiles (that we keep on hand for all sorts of projects)

stripes, polka dots,  swirls its all good 

paint on pre-measured cuts of craft paper and you wont waste your time and paint!

The Girls Room

A week after we finished the boys room, with the coming of the new baby looming, only two months away, we turn our attention to the "girls room" 

This is the only before picture i could find, i had made a tent for the bunk bed and was proud of it ;) this bunk bed got painted and moved to the boys room, during that renovation, and we used the girls room, carpet and all, to do the painting... so that was the first thing to go!

The bones of the room only had minor changes this time... time restraints and a desire to girlify the room led us to pushing things into the walls instead of removing them completely... this will become "the cottage" We didn't decide on that name until much later, for now we tried to call it the play house, but my pregnant brain can not compute this so i kept calling it the Doll House, and eventually we were all just calling it the doll house for the sake of moms dumb brain haha

My handsome hubs putting up sheetrock... after the boys room he was pretty much an expert, so he figured this room would only take 2-3 days... well we here at Anitra's house do nothing easy. There were so many "extras" and odd angles it took a whole week and it was miserable for every body!! Every extra waking moment was spent cutting and hanging sheet rock!!! I HATE SHEETROCK 

This is a picture of the sunk'n bed, dresser and bookshelf, I had originally only wanted a bed and its corresponding cabinets and trundle underneath, but hubbers was like "lets make things more difficult" and i was like OK. I make fun only because it is usually me that is like "i have this great idea and it will only put us back a day or so" and then a week later we are able to move on... more about this pesky book shelf later.











Sheetrock up and the facade of the doll house cut out and getting glued and nailed up! This was my favorite part, because until now no one really new what it was going to look like except me and even that was a stretch, because up until that morning i was still making changes to what i wanted... but after making a huge template of the wall with the brown paper we used to cover the floor, I drew what i wanted, we cut it out, and puzzeled every piece onto a single sheet of ply wood (boy was it close!!!!) then Handy Andy cut it all out with a jig saw.... oh year we had a baby by this point, so I sat on the couch and fed our new born, whilst he jig sawed the ply wood on some saw horses in the living room... did i mention it was a really really cold winter!!








And here we are at the finish of our project!! Girl #1 (cause we now have two girls) LOVES her new bed... its too high for her brothers to jump in easily and it is her OWN room. After a night or two in HER OWN ROOM she wanted the boys to move back in with her, because she is scared to sleep alone HAHA the bookshelf, is going to haunt my husband and i forever... we built it in the living room square and level... we installed it in the wall, and the realized later after it was too late to take it out, that it was very UNsquare! how it happened has been many topics of conversations and we have many theories but no hard evidence... so all we can do is laugh about it, maybe one day we will laugh about it -_-

Thats right kids, built in dresser drawers!!! I had this pictured for a LONG LONG time and when we started i said, this part isnt going to be easy, but it turned out not being so bad and husband was a champ at just going with it... i had wanted to put some kind of coordinating knobs on the drawers and trundles, but My man was like why dont we cut some hand holes like this and it was such a good idea, i was like "Hey i got an idea, why dont we cut hand holes like this" and BOOM it was my idea... no one noticed right?

The trundle that is the kids official favorite part of the room... even after explaining that it is not THEIR bed it is an occasional bed for when guests come over, they still just want to pull it out and jump on it  -_- sigh

Oh yeah, and the baby will share this room, one day when she is not sharing my room. Paint colors compliments of Martha Stewart... she has the best ideas, and i am so glad we are close firends!! Thank you martha for you insiteful input... also a martha rug of which she donated to us for only 300 ish dollars

the pocket door, husbands arch enemy, this one was actually much easier (for me to watch being installed) Taking out the closets adds SO MUCH ROOM it is just silly that they were ever there to begin with... They were where the chair is in this picture extending from the wall with the pocket door almost all the way to the door to the room. two closets but hardly any usable storage. but this closet though it has a slanted ceiling it has more floor space and so many great features

ikea shelves oh how we love thee, and use them ALL over the house!! Also clothing rod at a reasonable hight for a 6 year old! and boy does she LOVE dresses, and she was so enthused about hanging her own clothes, it was awesome... "okay mom i am going to hang up my dresses" and then she did I <3 having an independent 6 yo, i cant wait till the boys get that way ( may never happen)

the bench and the hooks... its the little details that really make a room work... but it is the little details that you don't add into the estimated cost of a room... the bench has to be there because it covers an air conditioning duct

Here it is: THE COTTAGE!!! yay cedar shakes and all... i still have to build a dutch door but that will come after the baby can sit up on her own,  right now it is just an accompishmnt to get the laundry into the wash

another picture of the cottage because it is my favorite part!!

The big picture!!

Inside the kitchen of a 6 year old, she organized it herself and really really hates it when her little brothers get in there and make "salads" there recipe is quite simple, cut up all the wooden food and put them in all of the bowls and then throw it all over the floor. delicious

We built Ikea compatible cubbies... not a simple task but good excersize for my drafting muscles... i wanted to just put those nifty baskets that fits perfectly into the ikea expedite shelves into the three cubbies but THEN one day i had an epiphany... if the baskets fit then the drawers will fit.... would have been perfect had i not painted the cubbies, so there was some pounding involved but they did fit eventually!!!

The child hight light switch!! and the blue paint that the girl picked out... it was her name so she was smitten!

There you have it folks... we spend more time than i thought we would in the bedrooms upstairs, probably because they are so open and spacious and make great dance floors for our wild dance parties!!

The Room Of Rooms

This particular post has been waiting 3 years to be written!!!

::Deep breath::


The "boys room" (aka torn up room, project room, 'the' room, spare room, unfinished nightmare) if DONE!!!

Come with me on a walk down memory lane:

it all started a few months after we bought our house...

"this room could have so much more SPACE" we said (by we i mean I)

What a nice surprise, the entire house has oak hardwood under the ratty carpet!!

before shots of the closets

the door

"The Wall" behind this wall is a cast iron vent pipe, installed before long before the invention of studdor valves (that i fail to get a picture of)  This pipe postponed the whole rooms renovations by a year... almost two! upon removal of the pipe we had to patch the roof, that later became an entire new roof, and included new siding, for the whole house.. and we also had to gut the downstairs bathroom and install new plumbing

layers of wall paper under layers of paint... sixty years of questionable choices

rooms torn out, rafters moved up... way way up... now we have a loft

A team on cars lining our street to shoot a 10 minute segment of... our house (a friend in the spray foam industry needed a project room... and hey, we had one just sitting here waiting to be spray foamed)

hubs getting his camera face on

me getting all done up (9 months preggers me, is longing to be this skinny again)

i don't recall what we were so amazed by, but WOW spray foam!!!

later we decided the loft needed more structural support!

husband installed/rigged a pocket door

baby3 helping put up sheet rock

3 babies helping put up sheet rock

brought in a professional to mud the room

additional wood flooring ' acclimating '  to the room

4 days was all it took for one talented sheet rocker to finish mudding and sanding

walls primed, but the flooring guys got postponed a few days

so we painted... pregnant lady on a ladder painting ridiculously tall wall whist husband is working

before tape is removed

Floor are sanded and finished, then we have spend two days installing moulding an painting(soooo sick of painting)... AND our new rug (from target, it was free, long story!)

closet finished and another look at our lovely floors... the bench in the closet is to cover the air conditioning duct, but turns out to be one o my favorite features. Pocket door is awesome!!

view of the other side of the room, built in cubbies, accent wall painted 'metropolis grey' second baby picked it out!

a look inside the loft, with an access door to the attic

trim installed on the pot lights

We built this bunk bed about 2 years ago, but never painted it... so we had been sanding and priming and painting this monster of a bed between coats of paint on the walls and moulding... I HATE PAINTING  AHHHHHHHHHH

Star wars toy patent diagrams(thank you zulily) the kids love em, there is a C3PO, a wing, and a walker on this wall... i had ordered an R2 also, second baby's favorite character, but it didnt fit like i had planned it so we put it on another wall

this previously had a doll house on it, but now can be utilized to its full potential as a chest of drawers/ checkers bench!!! The oldest boy was quite excited when he saw the checkers board under the doll house... i had painted it on there before he could walk, but now he is old enough to play ::sigh:: he is growing so fast!!

all moved in, plus a mattress for the girl under the bed(because her room has now been gutted and is in the process of being rebuilt!!) the nifty gas station light and book case came from a friend a few years back, she was remodeling her boys room and gave it to us, and its been sitting in the basement waiting to grace the boys room for quite some time!

Train table has also been sitting in the basement for two years...  the cubbies house most of the building toys so they can use the train table for Lego's, hex bug, blocks, TRAINS, knex, the possibilities are endless... the rule we have been working on in the room is,"toys go on the table not on the floor" the big kids get it, if you don't want to lose the toys keep them in the train table, the baby doesn't get it, he thinks the table is a way to get really high up before throwing fist fulls of tiny Lego's all over the room! Hopefully we will get this rule ingrained before 4th baby is old enough to put tiny toys like Lego's in her mouth!!

Well there you have it, the best room in the house so far!!! I love it, the kids love it, the husband is even impressed with how it turned out... i tell him of course, an unlimited budget(we didnt plan on it being that way, but every time we would have some money to throw into it, we would start work on it again then stop when the money ran out and wait for the next time) and three years of planning will do that, haha. It is so nice to be done!!